In the next couple of blogs, I will address the critical subject of communication and its very powerful role in the success of relationships.
Relationships in this context go beyond the romantic realms; it entails as well the effect of communication in marital, family and business relationships. Let us look at the power of communication in a romantic and marriage setting in this pilot discourse in the series.
Let me say upfront that there cannot be a relationship without communication. How do you start a romantic relationship? A guy speaks to a lady and she speaks back. When two people speak to each other and they understand each other, they have communicated. Therefore, in the course of the relationship, when they stop speaking to each other, the relationship starts to drown. When two persons are dating, the best way to continue to know each other is to keep talking. There is no other way of knowing someone than to hear the person talk to you and you respond. It is as practical as that.
The Future: The marriage institution should not exist on the singular leg of emotions and feelings of the immediate. This is because other destinies are tied to you even though it’s the business between the two of you primarily. Children will come and needs to be reared; finances are needed to pay bills and fund family projects; work, career matters and ambitions exists between the two parties. It is therefore critical that there is an on-going communication at this level.
Sexual Relations: Married couples should talk about their sexual needs. Dating couples should talk about screaming hormones and how to manage them. For married couples, they should talk about what works for them and what does not. Sex becomes a “duty” to be performed if one partner cannot get satisfaction. Satisfaction will elude you as long as you have a shut mouth.
Hindrances to Communication
1. Temperamental Orientation: If you are choleric and melancholic, you tend to bottle up a whole lot. Sanguine and extroverted people generally are more apt to speak up. Know your state and make appropriate adjustments. For all intents and purposes, you must communicate.
2. When trust breaks down: Communication is hindered when trust is broken. The solution is in getting back to talking again.
3. Absence of Openness and Sincerity: When couples are not sincere with themselves and there is no openness, communication will be affected. The mere idea of harboring information is already a barrier to communication. When truth is not told about issues, it is a serious game-changer in the bid to ensure a fluid relationship.
4. Assumptions without clarifying issues: Many people have ruined their relationships through assumptions. “I thought you wanted to…”, “I guessed you were going to come but was wrong”, “the way the two of you were talking, I figured you were dating each other”, etcetera. When any issue crops up in a relationship, or marriage setting, the couple must endeavor to seat down and talk about it. When decisions and actions are taken based on mere assumptions, trouble looms for the relationship as communication would have been destroyed.
5. Preconceived ideas and notions: While growing up, some people have certain notions about issues in life that if not properly worked on can spell doom for their relationships. clichés such as “in Africa, men can’t treat women right”, “women are not always thinking on a reasonable level” or “don’t ever allow your wife to earn more money than you or else you may become her slave” are all preconceived ideas either party of the relationship or marriage can come into the union with and negatively impact it.
The power of communication in a relationship and marriage setting cannot be over-stressed. Couples must insist on talking about everything. As a matter of fact, if you are single and you notice you don’t flow well in communicating with the person you are dating, you must stop and reconsider. You can’t really love someone you don’t know and you can’t possibly know someone you can’t communicate with.