Category Archives: listening

Living With a Stranger!

Falling in love is awesome. When you fall in love with someone, it makes your whole five senses come alive, am I right? I am so sure I am. If you have ever fallen in love before, you know it produces an unimaginable energy. There is a feeling of having the ability to accomplish almost anything with that special person in your life. We often see these special people as God’s gift, soul mates, help-meet,  just to name a few. It’s often amazing when two people after few years down the line now become total strangers.Relationship breakdown

I had a conversation recently with a lady who had unresolved issues in her marriage. She claims she still lives with her hubby but they lead separate lives. I asked her if she thinks she was still married to her hubby and she said “yeah some-how”.  It means they do live in the same apartment but they are practically living like neighbors. How do super-lovers become estranged friends or live as strangers? Love in marriage depreciates rapidly when lovers lose the vision, passion and purpose of their relationship. It results in both parties abusing each other. When you lose the perception of what a relationship is worth you lose the essence of it.

When you stop being passionate about your relationship, it means nothing moves you about it anymore. A lover’s voice that uses to tickle you initially now becomes a disturbing noise. Passion dies a natural death once you lose focus of where you were heading in the first place and what you were going to achieve. Distractions on daily basis are inevitable but you have to stay resolute to stay in love and in purpose. This simply means your relationship should be beyond ordinary feelings.  You chose to walk this part because you believed it was priceless. Or perhaps you did not count your cost before you started. Even if this was your case, you can still make the best out of it. Nothing happens by chance. When things are rough you must be determined to weather the storm. You must also understand people change in every relationship as years go by. The lady or guy you married in his or her early twenties has become a fully grown individual, desiring something deeper than what they wanted when they were younger. People change in different ways and phases, due to new experiencesLovers hatecircumstances and exposure over the years. A spouse might do or exhibit some behavioral changes that you might not believe they are capable of.  You need to be able to love your partner through the different phases and changes they might have passed or be passing through. Whatever crisis you face in your relationship can be resolved if it’s not life threatening and both parties involved are willing to work at it. Our crisis is often not the issue but the way we handle and react to them. It would ultimately determine whether your passion stays alive and survive the temporary distraction or dies completely.  Your vision and your purpose keep your passion intact. Do not give up on your passion; you must keep hope alive despite all odds. The stranger in your house can become a friend and a lover if you dare to dream again. When you find the purpose for your relationship you would find passion again. Hope against hope, make peace with yourself and live to love again. Join me on my next blog as we discuss the vision, passion and purpose of our relationship.



Communication is a big deal when it comes to building a good foundation for our relationships. Good communication is the major strength of every relationship; no relationship thrives without it. Once the flow of communication breaks down in any relationship, be it a marital relationship,  business relationship or even relationships between friends, it’s always difficult to make progress beyond that level.  The lack of good communication leads to a gradual decay of a relationship that started on a good note. It’s a major lifeline between two people. When the line of communication is left open in a relationship, there is hardly any issue that cannot be resolved.

Communication is made up of the spoken word, body language and good listening ability. Good communication comes with the ability to perfectly present and pass across your message to others in a way that can be tinu blogseffortlessly understood.  Good communication adds some spice to every relationship and makes conflict resolution very easy.

This brings us to the point of asking how we can truly communicate. True communication involves respecting other people’s point of view even when we have a contrary opinion; understanding that everyone has a right to their own perception and should be given a room for self expression. Good communication gives space for feedback from parties involved in the communication process.

Good communication also involves good listening ability. Few people truly know how to listen while others are talking. Good listening ability comes with rapt attention, calmness and an objective appraisal of the issue being discussed without having a ready-made response. Developing a good listening ability is a major key to building good communication and a good relationship. We listen not only to spoken words but to words that are not spoken as well, which are mostly passed a crossed through body languages and silent expressions by actions. There are times people speak clearly through various expressions like eye contacts, touch, actions, etc. A good communicator must be a good observer.

There is an adage that says “action speaks louder than words.” Body language is a major factor in communicating effectively. It’s speaking without words and it’s often louder and clearer than the spoken words. During the process of communicating, our body language gives away the sincerity of our words. We communicate effectively when our spoken words correlate with our body language.
Good communication is also fostered by avoiding being presumptuous and being too assuming. Exhibiting a trait of assumption in our relationships makes us take others for granted. Assumption makes us relate with others based on our perception about issues without facts.  It’s a state of always assuming others should understand and know better.  This is about setting high standards and expectations for others without giving room for human errors. This leads us to breaking and crossing relationship boundaries which is always tough to fix once broken. The state of being presumptuous in communicating is taking others for granted and responding to others by reacting without facts. Good communication comes by having all facts fully established before passing on to others and giving deep consideration to other people’s feelings.

Becoming a good communicator is a skill that can be learnt and it’s an art that can be developed if we make conscious efforts. Our relationships are more enjoyable when we communicate well with others. Communication is a two way thing. He that must have a friend must first make himself friendly. We must seek to understand others then we would be understood. Words are powerful and they convey powerful images once spoken. We should be sure our words express exactly what we mean to communicate to others. We would enjoy our relationships better when we communicate constructively.