Category Archives: Separation

Living With a Stranger!

Falling in love is awesome. When you fall in love with someone, it makes your whole five senses come alive, am I right? I am so sure I am. If you have ever fallen in love before, you know it produces an unimaginable energy. There is a feeling of having the ability to accomplish almost anything with that special person in your life. We often see these special people as God’s gift, soul mates, help-meet,  just to name a few. It’s often amazing when two people after few years down the line now become total strangers.Relationship breakdown

I had a conversation recently with a lady who had unresolved issues in her marriage. She claims she still lives with her hubby but they lead separate lives. I asked her if she thinks she was still married to her hubby and she said “yeah some-how”.  It means they do live in the same apartment but they are practically living like neighbors. How do super-lovers become estranged friends or live as strangers? Love in marriage depreciates rapidly when lovers lose the vision, passion and purpose of their relationship. It results in both parties abusing each other. When you lose the perception of what a relationship is worth you lose the essence of it.

When you stop being passionate about your relationship, it means nothing moves you about it anymore. A lover’s voice that uses to tickle you initially now becomes a disturbing noise. Passion dies a natural death once you lose focus of where you were heading in the first place and what you were going to achieve. Distractions on daily basis are inevitable but you have to stay resolute to stay in love and in purpose. This simply means your relationship should be beyond ordinary feelings.  You chose to walk this part because you believed it was priceless. Or perhaps you did not count your cost before you started. Even if this was your case, you can still make the best out of it. Nothing happens by chance. When things are rough you must be determined to weather the storm. You must also understand people change in every relationship as years go by. The lady or guy you married in his or her early twenties has become a fully grown individual, desiring something deeper than what they wanted when they were younger. People change in different ways and phases, due to new experiencesLovers hatecircumstances and exposure over the years. A spouse might do or exhibit some behavioral changes that you might not believe they are capable of.  You need to be able to love your partner through the different phases and changes they might have passed or be passing through. Whatever crisis you face in your relationship can be resolved if it’s not life threatening and both parties involved are willing to work at it. Our crisis is often not the issue but the way we handle and react to them. It would ultimately determine whether your passion stays alive and survive the temporary distraction or dies completely.  Your vision and your purpose keep your passion intact. Do not give up on your passion; you must keep hope alive despite all odds. The stranger in your house can become a friend and a lover if you dare to dream again. When you find the purpose for your relationship you would find passion again. Hope against hope, make peace with yourself and live to love again. Join me on my next blog as we discuss the vision, passion and purpose of our relationship.

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The Pillars of Relationship

From my observation, it is obvious that the rate of divorce is becoming very much alarming.  Keeps me wondering why relationships are deteriorating so fast this days. Everyone claims to have fallen in love  Pillars

before taking their vows at the altar.

I am sure at the point of exchanging their vows, young lovers often felt the experience is the best thing that could ever happen to them. Why do most of these relationships eventually turn out to be nightmares? It keeps me wondering what could have happened to the profession of undying love by two love birds to one another after few months and even many years of marriage.  It’s as bad as seeing young couples who just got married  in less than three months filing for divorce or those who have been together for over twenty five years seeking to go their separate ways.  I  strongly believe all these stems from foundational issues.

When the foundation of a building is weak due to lack of proper structure, we all know it cannot retain any solid structure.  It’s a matter of time before the building would eventually come crashing down; when a building’s foundation is weak, an eventual collapse is inevitable. This brings me to the point of looking closely at the principles upon which solid relationships  thrives and stays strong forever.  In the next few weeks, we would be looking at few principles that keeps beautiful relationships alive.

Commitment is a very strong requirement for a lasting relationship. The human nature naturally finds it hard to commit.  Once a situation changes, the natural human instinct desires to move into a more comfortable zone.  Commitment cannot stand on its own; it needs maturity and purpose to survive.   Maturity as regards commitment is the ability to stay put whether things are good or bad as long as it’s not life threatening. Wherever you find true commitment, convenience is thrown out of the window.  Purpose is also a big deal to commitment.  A relationship that does not have a clear purpose or laid out plan is doomed to fail; no matter how long it takes. Purpose gives commitment a meaning; no one commits to a mission that has no clear destination.  Relationships with a clear purpose or destination naturally attracts commitment and determination by all parties  involved.  Everyone involved would have a strong desire to maintain , preserve  and  protect the relationship at all cost. With the belief in their heart that this relationship must not and cannot fail.

In the light of the background laid above, I strongly believe purpose strengthens commitment in relationships. What is the purpose of your relationship and what is its destination?  Your ability to answer this question clearly will help to redefine  and re-evaluate why you are in the relationship in the first place and why you should remain there. The purpose of our relationship with one another must go beyond ordinary feelings; it must be bigger than all parties involved.  The ability to evaluate  our purpose for relating, choosing our  partners and friends helps us put our relationship in proper perspective.  It gives us the strong resolve to stay committed at all cost even when the tides are high.